Hagar, who was a slave of Sarai, had no entitlement to opinion when Sarai decided to give her as Abram’s wife. And Abram also did not bother reminding Sarai about the promise which God had given about their offspring. And Hagar conceived with Abram’s child. When Hagar saw that she had conceived, she despised her mistress, Sarai. And Sarai nagged Abram blaming him for this situation, though she was the one who had given Hagar as his wife. Isn’t it amazing how desperation and impatience lead to wrong decisions in the life of people? Abram and Sarai were not ordinary people but the ones who heard directly from God Himself and yet they gave in to their own wisdom and made the wrong choices.
Neither Sarai nor Abram took ownership of their choices. Abram left the decision to Sarai and Sarai treated Hagar harshly. This led Hagar to flee from Sarai.
The Angel of the LORD, who is Jesus Himself, met Hagar by a spring of water in the wilderness. He asked Hagar where she was going. Hagar replied to Him with all honesty that she was fleeing from Sarai. He told her to return to Sarai and to submit to her. He promised that He will multiply Hagar’s descendants. He gave the name for her child then and there and that was Ishmael meaning “The LORD has heard your afflictions”. Hagar called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You Are the God Who Sees”. In due time, Hagar bore Ishmael for Abram when he was 86 years old.
Abram was 100 years old when Isaac was born to Sarah, just as God had promised. During a feast of celebration for Isaac, Sarah ordered Hagar and Ishmael to be sent away from them. God also confirmed to Abraham to do as Sarah said. The next morning, Abraham took bread and a skin of water, gave it to Hagar, and sent her away with her son Ishmael.
Hagar and Ishmael wandered in the wilderness and the water in the skin ran out. They were on the verge of death due to thirst for water. She could not watch her son die of thirst so she put him under a shrub and stepped away at a distance and she wept loudly. And God heard the voice of Ishmael. The angel of God spoke to Hagar, “Arise, lift up the lad and hold him with your hand, for I will make him a great nation”.
Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. She filled the skin with water. Just as God promised, He made Ishmael’s descendants into a nation.
The first time when Hagar ran away from Sarai, God sent her back to Sarai. The second time, when Hagar was thrown away by Sarah, God took Hagar away to a new place and established her there. God has a purpose for us wherever He has planted us. When the right time comes, He will take our hand and lead us toward the destination.
No matter how difficult a place can be, we are to humble ourselves and be under the shadow of the wings of Almighty God.
Isaiah 40:28 The everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. 29. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. 30. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, 31. But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; They shall walk and not faint.
Gideon was threshing wheat in the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites who were constantly plundering the Israelites. The Angel of the LORD, who was Jesus Himself, appeared to Gideon in the winepress and said to him, “The LORD is with you, you mighty warrior”. It is funny to see that God has a great humor sense to call a man who was in the hiding ‘a mighty warrior’. God calls us His warriors even when we are fearful. God calls us by the name of whom He will make us into, and not who we are in our weaknesses and failures.
Gideon replied to The Angel of God, “If the LORD is with us why has all this happened to us?Where are all His miracles which our fathers told us about the LORD bringing us from Egypt?” The LORD had abundant patience towards Gideon and did not point out to him that they were given in Midianites’ hands because of their own disobedience towards Almighty God. The LORD answered to him, “Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you?”.
God had tremendous patience towards Gideon even as he tested God three times to make sure God will surely go with him to the battle. Gideon took the people who were with him and encamped them opposite the enemy camp. The LORD said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel claims glory for itself against Me saying, ‘My own hand has saved me’.
So God tested the people who were with Gideon. He asked the people who were fearful to return to their houses and 22000 of them returned home. Then He tested the rest of them in the water. The ones who drank the water without caution about the enemies were asked to return. The army was now reduced to just 300 people. from the 33000 people who started off, Gideon’s army was reduced to just 300.
That night, the LORD told Gideon to go to the enemy camp so that He could strengthen Gideon through the words he would hear from the enemies. The Midianites and Amalekites were lying in the valley as numerous as the locusts and their camels were without number. And Gideon’s army was 300 people.
Gideon divided the people into 3 divisions and he gave a pitcher, a torch, and a trumpet to each of them. At the beginning of the middle watch, as they neared the enemy camp, they blew the trumpets and broke the pitchers and shouted, “The sword of the LORD and of Gideon!”. When Gideon’s army blew the trumpet, the LORD set every man’s sword in the enemy’s camp against his own army’s companion and they all fled away. God gave victory to Gideon’s army just as He promised.
Two things that caught my attention are 1) God had so much patience towards Gideon though he dared to test God multiple times. God gave him provisions for his fear to be freed. 2) As usual with God’s ways, the unusual war weapons that God gave them, and cutting down the number of the army to make them completely dependent on God and to give the glory only to God and not to themselves.
Unimaginable to our little minds! 300 men with a pitcher, a torch, and a trumpet chased away an army as numerous as locusts. With God on our side, no battle is too big to defeat! In heavenly armor, we will enter the land, because the battle belongs to the LORD! AMEN!
By the lake of Gennasaret, Jesus saw two boats. The fishermen were washing their nets because they had caught nothing. Jesus got into one of the boats which was Simon’s and started to teach the multitudes. While washing his fishing net, Simon was giving ear to Jesus’ teaching. After finishing His teaching, Jesus said to Simon, “Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch”. Simon replied, “Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word, I will cast down my net”. And when they did just as Jesus said, they caught a great number of fish to the point that their net was breaking. So he signaled to James and John who were in their boat to come and help him. And when they came over, they filled both the boats so that they began to sink. When Simon saw that, overwhelmed he fell down at Jesus’ knees. Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid. From now on you will catch men”. So when they had brought their boats to the land, they forsook their boats and the fish and followed Jesus. (Luke 5:1-11)
Later, after Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection – Jesus revealed Himself to the disciples twice while they were confined inside the house due to fear for their lives. Even after seeing resurrected Jesus, as they did not know what was next for them, they went back to fishing following the initiative of Simon. Simon who was the first one to leave two boats full of fish to follow Jesus was also the first one to lead the rest of the disciples back to the fishing profession when they momentarily did not have the clarity of their calling. Though Jesus revealed Himself repeatedly to them, it was not the same as before when they had the continued presence of Jesus. Even then, Jesus’ patience toward them is simply astonishing. His patience towards us today is still the same.
That night also, history repeated. They caught nothing though they toiled all night. By morning, Jesus stood on the shore; Jesus said to them, “Children, have you any food?”. They replied, “No”. Jesus said to them, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some”. So they cast, and they caught so many fish that they were not able to draw it in.
Immediately John recognized that it was Jesus and he told Peter. Hearing that, Peter plunged into the sea and swam to meet Jesus. When they came to the land, they saw fish laid on fire of coals and bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of your fish too”. They had caught a net full of 153 large fishes. Jesus said to them, “Come and eat breakfast”. Jesus then came and took the bread and gave it to them and the fish. Not only did He repeat the miracle of letting them catch a boatload of fish again, but He also fed them with food prepared by His own nail-pierced hands. I lack words to describe this utmost kindness of Jesus.
This kindness was towards these disciples who abandoned Jesus and denied knowing Him while He was being crucified. Instead of zapping them with lightning or rebuking them, Jesus showed kindness to them. Jesus’ kindness towards us is mightily more powerful than any punishment which we deserve. His patience and love have the power to transform our lives to surrender ourselves for His work.
Daniel and his friends were taken captives to Babylon. These were young men who were good-looking, gifted in all wisdom and knowledge, and quick to understand who had the ability to serve in the Babylonian King’s palace. The king appointed for them a daily provision of the king’s delicacies and of the wine which he drank. The things to note are that – not all the Israelites who were taken captives to Babylon got the opportunity to serve in the King’s palace. Daniel and his friends got the opportunity to live in the palace and were allotted King’s food in the land where they were captives. In spite of it, they took a stand of integrity for the LORD. Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the King’s delicacies. So he requested the chief who was appointed over them to spare them from King’s food and give them vegetables and water instead.
The chief feared that his head would be in danger of the King’s punishment if Daniel and his friends’ faces looked weak and tired compared to others who ate the King’s delicacies. Daniel requested the chief to test them for ten days and see how they did. God gave them favor in the chief’s eyes and so he agreed. He tested them after ten days and Daniel and his friends looked better and fatter than the other men who ate King’s delicacies. And so the chief continued to provide them just vegetables and water.
We often cruise through this part. But if we put ourselves in their shoes, how would it have been? It would have taken quite some willpower to stand by this decision, no? They would have to control the desire of their eyes, noses, mouths, and hearts to stick to this decision, every time they see the King’s delicacies parading in front of them. The rest of them would have mocked them as idiots for rejecting such rich royal food. This was not once, not twice, three times a day or more. And God honored their decision.
We serve a God who sees us, who sees our every thought, word, action, attitude, motive, etc. He sees our good and our bad. The sacrifices we make for His Name’s sake do not go forgotten by Him. For these four men, God gave knowledge and skill in all literature and wisdom. Daniel had an understanding of all visions and dreams. When the King interviewed them, the King saw that there were none like Daniel and his friends. And so they were chosen to serve before the King.
There were many who were with Daniel and his friends. Their names are not mentioned in the Bible. Something as small as deciding not to eat King’s food made them be chosen by God. Even in our lives, if we are committed to God in smaller things, God helps us to be committed to Him in greater things too.
God recompensed them for the sacrifice that they made for His Name’s sake. When we take a stand for God, God takes a stand for us. And when God stands on our behalf, there is deliverance.
We went on a Disney Cruise trip to celebrate our tenth marriage anniversary. One of the days, we spent on the island of Castaway Cay, which is a private island. The entire passengers of that ship were on this beach. My boys and I were on floaters, closer to the shore. My older son cautiously stayed very close to the shore. My younger son was 4 years old then and I was in my floater holding onto his floater so that we were together. We did not realize that around 15 feet into the water, it was extremely deep. I thought that we were staying in the same spot close to the shore but we were drifting away from the shore. When my husband came back fetching a floater for himself, he saw that I and my younger son had drifted towards the deeper part. He swam towards us and grabbed hold of my son’s floater and took him to the shore.
Swimming in the sea wasn’t easy and he was all out of breath so he did not come back to get me but he went over to the lifeguard and told him that I am unable to paddle back to the shore and asked him to help me. In the meantime, the sky became dark and the lifeguards whistled for everyone to get out of the beach due to the danger of lightning strikes. I tried paddling back but I was going in circles in my floater.
As I was going in circles, suddenly I thought to jump off the floater by holding on to the handle and using it to swim back. My husband understood the stupidity of what I was about to do and immediately warned me not to jump off the floater – no matter what! So I continued trying to paddle back but in vain. As I looked around, it was only me left in the water. Everyone else had gotten out of the water for fear of lightning dangers. Now I started to get a little worried, as I was unable to make any progress and the lifeguards weren’t helping either.
When hope of help from man ends, the one who is ever so faithful helped me to see a floater rope that was tied from a lifeguard station in the water which extended to the shore. By God’s amazing grace, I quickly held on to that rope. Seeing that, the lifeguard told my husband that I will be fine and will get to the shore. I understood one thing – this rope was my hope of getting to the shore and I started to move step by step by holding on to the rope.
But, so unexpectedly, the rope slipped off my hand because I hurriedly let go of my hand before holding it with the other hand. And the rope started to slide over my leg. God gave me the quickest wisdom in that microsecond that if I let go of this rope, my situation was back to hopelessness. In that microsecond, God helped me to quickly grab hold of the rope with my leg as it was sliding. Then I quickly grabbed it with my hand and again started to move towards the shore, this time I was carefully making sure that I was holding it without letting it go. I made it safely to the shore.
As in the story of Joseph, his last hope seemed to be the cupbearer whose dream Joseph helped interpret. Joseph had no doubt that the cupbearer will be restored to his position in the palace. He asked the cupbearer to put in a good word to Pharaoh so that he could also be released from prison.
Psalm 146:3,5 Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God.
As expected, the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph. Two years went by. The hope that the cupbearer would put in a word to the King diminished to nothing. I imagine how Joseph’s emotions would have been. I wonder if he still had any faith left. Though day times would have kept him busy as he was in charge of the prison, the night times would have often left him with the question, “Where are You, God? Why would you let this happen to me? Are You the One who gave me those dreams?”
When there was no hope left to put on man, God came through in His never-failing faithfulness.In God’s time, Joseph stood before the King, just as He promised. The cupbearer was sent before Joseph. He stayed a cupbearer, but Joseph was raised to be the second in command to the King. We serve a God who alone is the promise keeper! Our help comes from Him alone and no one else. Amen!
Genesis 49:23 With bitterness archers attacked him; they shot at him with hostility. 24. But his bow remained steady, his strong arms stayed limber, because of the hand of the Mighty One of Jacob, because of the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel.
Out of Jacob’s twelve sons, Joseph was his favorite. To show his favoritism, Jacob made a special robe of many colors for him. And Joseph waltzed around in his robe which made his brothers jealous and angry toward him. Joseph who was clueless about all this hatred added more to it by bringing bad reports about them to Jacob. This made the brothers even more furious and they no longer spoke kindly to him.
One day, Joseph saw a dream and he couldn’t keep it to himself so he shared it with his brothers. In his dream, they were all binding sheaves of grain in the field. Suddenly Joseph’s sheaf rose and stood upright while his brothers’ sheaves gathered around his sheaf. Hearing this, the brothers snapped at him asking if he would rule over them. Another day, Joseph saw a dream again. This time he shared it with his father and his brothers. In his dream, he saw that the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to him. This annoyed his father as well and he rebuked him for his dream.
Jacob’s sons went to graze their sheep in a distant place. Jacob sent Joseph to visit them and see if they were doing well. As Jacob reached the place where his brothers were, they recognized him from a distance in his special robe. They grew furious and plotted to kill him and throw him into one of the pits. But Reuben, the oldest brother, suggested throwing him into the pit, in the plan to let him escape later. So they stripped Jacob from his special robe and threw him into the pit.
As they saw Ishmaelite merchants heading to Egypt, they decided to sell Joseph and make a profit out of him. The Ishmaelite merchants sold Joseph to Potiphar who was the captain of Pharoah’s palace guard. Meanwhile, Joseph’s brothers dipped his robe in a goat’s blood and sent it to their father and made him believe that Joseph got killed by wild animals which left Jacob to mourn in sackcloth.
The LORD was with Joseph so that he prospered and he lived in the house of Potiphar. God gave success in everything Joseph did and he was made in charge of Potiphar’s household. Joseph was a well-built and handsome young man. Potiphar’s wife approached Joseph with wrong intentions to which Joseph wouldn’t yield. One day, as she bothered him again, he asked her, “How can I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?“. She caught him by his robe but Joseph left his robe in her hands and ran outside. Potiphar’s wife used that robe to cook up a story against Joseph and he was thrown in the prison.
The LORD was with Joseph in the prison and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. So Joseph was put in charge of all those held in the prison. A while later, Pharoah’s cupbearer and baker were put in the same prison. One day, they both looked down in spirit and so Joseph inquired them. They both shared a dream they saw and they could not understand the meaning. Joseph instantly interpreted the meaning to them which happened exactly as he interpreted. On the third day, the baker was impaled to death while the cupbearer was sent back to the palace. Joseph asked the cupbearer to put in a good word about him to the King so that he can be freed from prison. But the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph.
Two years went by. Joseph was still in the prison. One day, King Pharaoh was very troubled as he saw two dreams, one after the other and he could not understand what they meant. As he sent for all the magicians and wise men of Egypt to interpret the dreams for him, no one could. Then the cupbearer remembered Joseph in the prison and informed the King. The King sent for Joseph to be brought before him. Immediately, the officials got Joseph ready to go before the King and they put on new clothes and a grand robe on him. Joseph interpreted the King’s dreams by giving glory to God Almighty who is the source of all wisdom and hidden mysteries. The King put Joseph in charge of the whole of Egypt and took his signet ring and had him ride in a chariot as his second-in-command.
Joseph was stripped from his first robe, he let go of his second robe and he was raised to honor with the third robe.
Psalm 105:19 Until the time that His word came to pass, the word of the LORD tested him.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose.
1 Peter 5:6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time.
Trust Him and rest on Him. He knows what He is doing! Amen.
A friend in church asked me to do an art for a specific verse. The verse he gave me is
Isaiah 32:18 NLT My people will live in safety, quietly at home. They will be at rest.
I felt very excited to do this art and landed on a picture for reference and started working on the art. I spent so much time on painting the rustic house, focusing on the details of the wood and such. I felt very happy with the outcome of the art. As I shared the picture with my friends to get their opinions, a friend said, “It seems the house needed lots of work”. I felt touched by those words because it is true that I put so much effort into the house. What struck me is that if a mere art can reflect the effort that is put into it, how much more would reflect as we strive to live a holy life? In the same manner, if we are ignorant in our spiritual walk, then the fruit of the flesh takes over and makes us unworthy of heaven, as it says in
Galatians 5:19,20 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like. Those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
It takes no effort to indulge in the fruit of the flesh as it is a slippery slope and one thing leads to the other. But the fruit of the Spirit needs lots of work and constant self-analysis.
1 Peter 1:16 Since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy”.
If we start to focus on each area of our life and bring it captive to God, we will start to become more and more like Christ in us. Amen!
Today is December 31st – the last day of the year. I came across an article about a hiker lady in her 60s who was hiking thru the Appalachian trail which is considered an extremely challenging route. The hiking started well with another hiking partner. But due to circumstances, her hiking partner had to return back and this lady continued by herself. One day, as she stepped off the trail into the woods, she got lost. As she desperately tried to get back to the trail, she went in circles deeper into the woods. She tried to get help in whatever ways she could, by leaving trails of her stuff, tying her blanket on the tree for attention, and such. As her husband didn’t hear from her as expected, teams were dispatched to find her. Even when she saw and screamed for help as she saw helicopters, they could not see her through the thick trees. She grew physically exhausted and mentally weak. She completely ran out of food too. Finally, she wrote a final note to whoever would find her to inform her husband and daughter and to hand over her things to them. She was found 2 years later, as a skeleton inside her sleeping bag in her tent. Such a heart-wrenching story!
I do not know anything much about hiking. But as I read through the comments, there were several tips people had posted that a hiker is expected to be aware of. If they step off the trail to relieve themselves, tie a rope to the tree in the trail and then take the rope with them inside the woods so they can get back to the trail without getting lost, keep a satellite phone and so many such tips. As I read through these comments, I wondered if this lady went into such an extremely challenging trip underprepared?!
I couldn’t help but think of how an earthly hiking trip can go so wrong when attempted underprepared, how about the journey towards eternity? Like this hiking trip, are we underprepared without the knowledge of The Way, The Truth, and the Life – Jesus? John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. Like this lady who did not have a phone that can connect through satellite regardless of the deep woods where she was, are we trying to live and find our way out without knowing how to connect with God Almighty who is the only One who can take us out of any deep situations? Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. And He alone is the promise keeper. May we hold on to Him who has promised us to lead our way till eternity with Him.
Hebrews 12:2
Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
As an answer to my prayer, our church hosted an artisan fair to sell our handmade crafts.
By God’s grace, my booth had a great sale. As always, God came through! This opportunity itself was an answer to my prayer from last year when I asked God to give me a greater purpose. Since the day pastor announced this, I had been staying up late every night to make at least one art each day. I felt super excited and very hopeful about raising a good amount which I wanted to give entirely for the missions. God’s faithfulness is beyond what I can fathom. Every now and then, I do spend time and money at the craft store and never worried about the bills that would add up because I always enjoyed doing these handicrafts. God is not a debtor to anyone and the way He compensated me for the expenses even before I hosted the booth – one of my managers recommended me for recognition at work and I got reward points which I could redeem and I received it this week.
As we started to set up our booth, the disappointments started. It was windy and my idea to display the arts didn’t work. My spirit had gone completely down and I had no hope left that I could sell anything. My kids and I held hands and we prayed giving it all into God’s hands. Within 5 minutes, Kavitha stopped by at our booth and she suggested putting up the bookmarks to display which would hold up better against the wind. It worked! We quickly got a hang of how to greet the people who stopped by and start the conversation. By the end of the day, our CIC friends also stopped by and contributed generously and we finished well.
Some of the miracles from this event are
A missionary who is supported by Calvary and serves in Japan stopped by my booth and I felt so happy to talk to her. In my opinion, missionaries are the ones whose life holds much value before God. While this sale is being done to support missions and for a missionary to stop by – it is like a confirmation.
I had made some pieces of jewelry in the past years which I had listed on so many craft sites and they never sold. I had given up on their selling but at this fair, I sold almost every one of those.
At the end of the day, I had sold 16 pieces of art.
Today the miracles continued. After the church service, I bumped into a lady who had bought a bookmark and she started talking to me and so amazingly she started to share a couple of prayer requests. Even she kept wondering how she was saying all these things to me as we had never met before.
When I was disappointed about being unable to display the arts, my husband came up with the amazing idea of displaying them in a creative way. If not for that idea, we could not have displayed the art which I had worked hard on for a month. Jayden got great compliments from a school teacher for his marketing skills.
The reason I wanted to support missions is that it is an easier way of storing our treasures in heaven. There are lots of parts in the world where even a small dollar amount would add up to a big amount. Life is short and eternity is forever. We tend to spend our time making our life in this world comfortable and yet not knowing how long we would be here. Rather it is wise to focus on storing our treasures in heaven to make our eternity comfortable.
Jesus shows grace to the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery. The scribes and pharisees were more interested in testing and trapping Jesus, at the cost of this woman. Yes, the woman did commit sin, for which the judgement according to the Law of Moses was stoning to death. Jesus, however, showed grace to the woman. Jesus brought conviction to those wanting to stone her in judgement. At least one stone could have been thrown at her by the only one who was without sin – Jesus. But Jesus did not punish her. Jesus showed her grace instead. Grace accomplishes what punishment cannot.
My mother and I are witnesses of such amazing grace. My mother went to be with the Lord on February 2nd, 2021. She was diagnosed with terminal illness. On December 23rd, she was admitted in the hospital. The doctor had given her only 3 days to live. I was not informed of how critical her condition really was, but was asked to visit her immediately. Even though I am the only child to my parents, I did not have a good relationship with my parents. Our family had a history of broken mother-daughter relationships. God gave me the verse Joshua 1:9 three times.”Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” I started my travel arrangements. With much hesitation and fear, I asked , “Lord, what do I do? what do I do? “. Just then, the worship leader started singing a song that I remembered as a song sung at funerals. I was so taken aback and instantly asked, “Lord, what are you saying?”. Right away I decided to go to see my mother. I reached home on Jan 15th.In those 2 weeks, God had prepared me for the task of leading my mother’s soul to Jesus. I went to see my mother at her home. I was shocked to see that she had become extremely thin and beyond recognition. She held my hand and said, “I am going to Jesus“. I was speechless. That same night, she was admitted in the hospital.
A friend had reminded me that my first duty was to lead her to Jesus and so I went to the hospital the next morning, held her hands and prayed a prayer of repentance with her. I asked her to get everything right with God, forgive anyone whom she had not forgiven, let go of worldly concerns, etc. I did all this without really knowing that she had only days left to live. Everyday I prayed holding her hands. Each day, I read many Psalms from the Bible to her. As I read, our hearts just rejoiced. Then God gave me the wisdom to ask her to repeat as I read and she would do that. One day as I said, “shall we read Psalms 91?”, without waiting, she quoted the entire Psalm 91. I recorded this moment and that is the last memory I have of her.
I started spending more time at the hospital, reading God’s Word to her and playing some good Christian messages for her. Doctors were suggesting to discharge her and take her home as they didn’t have any further treatment options to offer. But even with all this, my mind still could not understand that she had only few days left to live. I prayed for a miracle and I believed that she still had time left. I simply could not understand that she had only days left.
On Sunday, as there was no one else to help, God gave me the grace to clean my mother and change her soiled clothes, all by myself. The nurse was so surprised to hear that I cleaned and changed her clothes single handedly. I had never taken care of any adult until then. But as I cleaned my mother, I truly felt that that made Jesus happy. It felt like I had done just what He had desired of me.
As doctor continuously suggested to discharge her, I agreed to take out mother to our home on Jan 27th. The Psalm that I read for her that day was Psalm 116. As I came to verse 15, I had a hard time reading out loud”Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.” My mother repeated it along with me. I felt so sad that I had picked this chapter to read without seeing this verse. That morning, a friend posted a song and I instantly learnt the second stanza which talked about God being both my father and mother. I was singing that song repeatedly in my mother’s room that morning. She told me to “buy a Bible with big letters. Read it for your dad just like you did for me”. That was the last thing she instructed me to do.
I started the discharge procedure. At around 10:30 am, she suddenly made gasping sounds. When we asked , she said she had trouble breathing. The doctor asked her what was happening and she replied, “I am going to Jesus”. When a nurse said “don’t be scared” , she replied,”I am not scared”. She was so calm and peaceful as she answered. Then she just repeated, “Jesus, Jesus”. She was admitted in the ICU with oxygen support. As I waited in front of the ICU, I broke down and cried several times, as I remembered this song that I kept singing about God being my father and mother. I believe God was comforting me through this song, even before my mother’s passing.
From there, things only went downhill. She moved from an oxygen tube to a ventilator. Doctor told me to inform the relatives. I had not told my dad about how serious mother’s illness was. Her siblings and many other relatives came to the hospital to see her. On Friday the 29th, when I called her, she opened her eyes and looked at me. I rubbed her arms and said, “mother, I am here”. But her arm hurt as I rubbed, so I just rubbed her shoulder. That was the last time she responded to me.
Since the, the doctor said that she was 100% on the ventilator and that there was no hope left. On Saturday, as I spoke to the doctor, I broke down and said that I could not decide whether to remove my mother from the ventilator or not. I continuously prayed asking God to keep me from making this decision. However, it seemed like this was the only prayer that God wouldn’t answer. I suddenly remembered being mentioned that God won’t take the believing loved ones unless we surrender them to Him wholeheartedly. A friend helped to pray that even after we remove her from ventilator, as it is God who gives us breath, He would give her the breath if it is His will. After this prayer, I had peace about that decision.
On February 1 morning, I went to talk to the doctor. As I waited outside, I prayed for God to help me make the right decision. As I started speaking to the doctor, I felt so much peace and I told him that I am ready to let her go. The doctor said that he will first start weaning my mother off of the medicines she was on, and then will gradually remove her from the ventilator. My mother was off the ventilator that night. But against all odds, she continued to breathe. Even the doctor was surprised.
On February 2nd, by evening, my mother’s oxygen levels dropped down. I still did not understand. I was at the hospital till 7pm. After that, I went home. I called my dad at 8:10. When he asked how she was, I answered, “she will go to heaven whenever her time comes”. I came to know that my mother went to be with the Lord at 8:14 pm. She went to be with the Lord, just when I was saying the above words to my dad. I reached the hospital after 45 minutes. As I saw her face, she had this glorious smile. For one who was on tubes for days, she had a very happy smile. The smile was the evidence that she went to heaven just as she said. February 2nd also happens to be the death anniversary of her mother. She did not have a good relationship with her mother, but what are the odds that both my mother and my grandmother share the same death anniversary date.
My mother and I are witnesses of this amazing grace of Jesus. An entire life time of broken relationship was restored by Jesus in two weeks. Now all I can remember about my mother is this perfect mother-daughter relationship in Christ. He showed grace to my mother in so many ways. My mother always prayed that she would leave without suffering much from sickness. God truly honored that prayer. Though she was diagnosed with terminal cancer that had spread to multiple organs, she did not suffer a bit of pain from cancer. She did not have to leave this world with a broken relationship with me, but left happy and peacefully, giving me the privilege of having taken care of her in every way I possible could, even if it was only for two weeks. Though her life was nothing but broken pieces, she always held on to God. She did not know to let go of some baggage. God taught me about that and sent me to her to help her let go of those burdens she was carrying, preparing her for heaven. God saved me from having to live with a lifelong regret due to our broken relationship. Instead, He restored our relationship. Everyone who I have spoken to in these weeks, have experienced the grace and reconciliation of Jesus. I will continue to proclaim of this amazing grace of Jesus, for His glory. Amen!
