My Appa went to be with the LORD on March 22. The last 4 weeks had been quite a journey with him. It had been a year since Amma went to be with the LORD on Feb 2. Appa had gone to her grave for prayer and broke down and cried. A year without her had changed him a lot. On that morning, as usual, I woke up early to pray for Appa and then slept in the same spot. Right before the alarm went off at 7, I saw a dream and it disturbed me. I saw my amma and Appa in our home with no furnitures. Appa was coming down the stairs with a backpack and Amma asked him how his hand was. He did not reply but he skated across the room. Worried, I held his hand and said, “Appa, you need to sit down” and I saw a wheel chair. That was the dream. I kind of sensed that something was going to happen to him.
The next day he got admitted in the hospital as he felt dizzy while sitting on the bed, slid and fell on the bed. In a couple days, the doctor said that Appa had a fracture in the hip and doing a surgery would relieve him from the pain. I gave the consent for the surgery right away as I wanted to spare Appa from any pain. The surgery got scheduled for Feb 11 which is my birthday. I talked to Appa that morning, told him that it was my birthday and he blessed me. That was the last conversation I had with Appa.
After the surgery, Appa responded fine for couple hours. Then he coughed and aspirated. A clot had moved to a bad spot in the brain which caused him eventually to lose his response. I planned my travel to India. In my waiting, I had only one prayer, “Lord, please spare me from any regret. Appa should respond to me when I call him”.
By the time I reached the hospital on Feb 20, he was already in the ventilator and not responding. I felt shocked and disappointed because I had prayed only one prayer and it was not answered. The first day went by with absolutely zero response. On the second day, his eye was open for a couple minutes but he did not recognize me. As I called him with desperation which turned into cries, miraculously his hand which was paralyzed with no movement – lifted up. It was a significant rise. On the third day, I headed to the hospital, with the plan to tell the doctor to remove the ventilator. God had different plans for His ways are not for us to understand. That morning, Appa responded big time. For around 45 minutes, he had his eyes open, eye balls moving to the sound. He recognized me, had tears in his eyes. Every time I called him, he looked at me. Standing there, I felt overflowing with joy and gratitude towards God – not because He gave me any hope of his recovery, but just because God answered my prayer – not when I expected, but in His time.
Following day was back to no response. Now I had to decide about the ventilator as we were way past the allotted time. But I felt lack of peace as if there is something still undone. All my good friends had told me to pray loudly for him to hear, read the Word loudly and to talk. I wasn’t doing any of that because I was very hesitant to do all this in front of people.
Thanks be to God who comes through with answers. That early morning, sentences came into my ear to tell Appa that I love him, I forgive him and I don’t have any anger at all and to ask him for forgiveness and many such sentences. I instantly understood that it is the Lord speaking to me. That day I had determined in my heart to speak all of this in Appa’s ear, read the Word and to kneel down there and pray. It wasn’t easy especially to kneel down in front of all the people. But, nothing was bigger to me than what God put in my heart. As I knelt down, I said, “Lord, I kneel down and go low here so that Your name be lifted up in this place”. After I did all this, I felt like the missing piece was done and I felt so much peace.
In the next couple days, we decided to remove him off ventilator. It seemed that he won’t survive once ventilator is removed. But, against all odds, he started breathing. Not for one day or two, but he continued to breath for 23 days. Except, there was no response from him. I had been reading the Word everyday in his ear, talked in his ear about how much I loved him which I didn’t realize till then, asked him to forgive me and I talked so many things as the Lord put in my heart.
The next weeks were very difficult for me. He was breathing and all organs were functioning against all odds, but without response, none of it mattered enough. But God’s timing is perfect which our little brain doesn’t comprehend. By breathing, Appa brought through some mighty breakthroughs in my life. I had never taken a stand for Appa in my life. But when he was in coma, I took a mighty stand for him when he was in coma that I will not leave him behind but will stay back and take care of him.
Even before this journey started, God had given me various verses. One was “the yoke will be removed from your shoulder“. Along with my prayer friends, I had only one prayer. “Lord, please take him to heaven in Your time and please do not let him to suffer”. There were days like Elijah sending his servant to look for a rain cloud and got nothing.
On March 22, Appa had a cardiac arrest and he left peacefully, as witnessed by the ICU staff. God answered my every single prayer. All I wanted for Appa was to go to heaven and not suffer here. I had asked God for an evidence that he made it to heaven. God granted that evidence as a peace-filled face on the entire day of the funeral. God truly had been the author and finisher of Appa’s faith.
Appa was saved merely by grace. The Lord who showed mercy on the prodigal son, the tax collector and the theif on the cross – showed mercy on Appa. Lot of times, it is us, the legalists, who write off people from receiving grace from the Saviour who died on the cross for them and us alike.
If the One who died on the cross is willing to show mercy to whom He wants to show mercy, who are we to stand in the way?
