January 2023 -

Me and my big mouth

Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth.

I have a confession to make. I am a big talker. I wasn’t always this way. Decades went by in my life when I had no opinions, no self-worth, and no self-esteem. My life didn’t have any purpose then. Those were the times I suffered from depression without realizing it. After I hit the rock bottom of the depression, Jesus took me out of that pit. Over time, I became bolder. With that boldness came opinions and the urge to never hold back on them. Because I had dwelt on the other side for the most part of my life, I never budged when I finally got the boldness to speak my mind. When one doesn’t heed what God wants and simply speaks from a fleshly mind, the words come out brutally sharp. It is like having a sword in our mouth.

Eventually, God took hold of my life. He took me through some refining fire and removed the sharp edges in my attitude. Though I had been a “Christian” all my life, I wasn’t exactly living my life watching my steps to please God. God started to work in my life. I fell in love with this God who did not “punish” me as I deserved, but He “disciplined” me with grace. This made me fall in love with my God because He showed me grace when I deserved punishment. From then, I started to watch my steps and wanted to do everything in a way that pleases God. Pleasing God became my top priority. For a sincere believer, pleasing God cannot be a Sunday church thing, but it should be every day, every moment thing. In everything that we do, we ought to check if we are doing as Christ would want us to. And I started to live with that constant awareness.

But even then, I still had a major problem – my big mouth. Whenever I have things bothering my mind, I tend to speak my mind with sharp words and a rude attitude. Though I would only speak the truth, what lacks is grace-filled words. For years, I neither realized this nor did I feel sorry about that. But as I started to watch my walk with the Lord, I started to notice this trait of mine. I started to repent each time I would speak from my flesh. I noticed that when something about people bothers me, it starts brewing in my heart and comes out of my mouth lacking grace.

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Most of the time, my talk is sweet, but like drops of dirt in a glass of milk, only when things bother me in my mind, do the words come out lacking grace. Allowing things about others to bother us is brilliantly done by the devil, like a bad neighbor who keeps throwing trash into our yard. Sometimes we fail to recognize that it is the effect of the flaming arrows of the devil that attacks our mind. It is very important that we discern it right away and pray against it.

As God gave me the conviction of this, I would repent heartily and God graciously forgave me, every single time. And He still does.

Sin is missing the mark from what God expects. So these days, every time I fail in this or any area in my spiritual walk, I would fret and be so desperate to repent heartily and have God somehow forgive me, yet again. I am very keen on not piling up things that do not please God in the nooks and corners and hidden closets of my heart. I would wonder how much repeated praying would it take to receive forgiveness. But God gave me this understanding that Jesus has forgiven us of our past and future sins and we just need to repent and receive it. Forgiveness is not dependent on a certain amount of praying, but it is simply admitting to God that I have failed again and asking Him to help me not to stumble again. Till our time in this world, we cannot live a perfect life, but with the help of the Holy Spirit Lord, we ought to strive towards the perfection standard of Jesus.

So after failing many a time, I have come to the point of asking God to help me in this area. I am asking God to give me the wisdom to discern when the devil is at work in my mind and to be careful not to yield to sharp words.

Proverbs 10:19 Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

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No one but Him

We went on a Disney Cruise trip to celebrate our tenth marriage anniversary. One of the days, we spent on the island of Castaway Cay, which is a private island. The entire passengers of that ship were on this beach. My boys and I were on floaters, closer to the shore. My older son cautiously stayed very close to the shore. My younger son was 4 years old then and I was in my floater holding onto his floater so that we were together. We did not realize that around 15 feet into the water, it was extremely deep. I thought that we were staying in the same spot close to the shore but we were drifting away from the shore. When my husband came back fetching a floater for himself, he saw that I and my younger son had drifted towards the deeper part. He swam towards us and grabbed hold of my son’s floater and took him to the shore.

Swimming in the sea wasn’t easy and he was all out of breath so he did not come back to get me but he went over to the lifeguard and told him that I am unable to paddle back to the shore and asked him to help me. In the meantime, the sky became dark and the lifeguards whistled for everyone to get out of the beach due to the danger of lightning strikes. I tried paddling back but I was going in circles in my floater.

As I was going in circles, suddenly I thought to jump off the floater by holding on to the handle and using it to swim back. My husband understood the stupidity of what I was about to do and immediately warned me not to jump off the floater – no matter what! So I continued trying to paddle back but in vain. As I looked around, it was only me left in the water. Everyone else had gotten out of the water for fear of lightning dangers. Now I started to get a little worried, as I was unable to make any progress and the lifeguards weren’t helping either.

When hope of help from man ends, the one who is ever so faithful helped me to see a floater rope that was tied from a lifeguard station in the water which extended to the shore. By God’s amazing grace, I quickly held on to that rope. Seeing that, the lifeguard told my husband that I will be fine and will get to the shore. I understood one thing – this rope was my hope of getting to the shore and I started to move step by step by holding on to the rope.

But, so unexpectedly, the rope slipped off my hand because I hurriedly let go of my hand before holding it with the other hand. And the rope started to slide over my leg. God gave me the quickest wisdom in that microsecond that if I let go of this rope, my situation was back to hopelessness. In that microsecond, God helped me to quickly grab hold of the rope with my leg as it was sliding. Then I quickly grabbed it with my hand and again started to move towards the shore, this time I was carefully making sure that I was holding it without letting it go. I made it safely to the shore.

As in the story of Joseph, his last hope seemed to be the cupbearer whose dream Joseph helped interpret. Joseph had no doubt that the cupbearer will be restored to his position in the palace. He asked the cupbearer to put in a good word to Pharaoh so that he could also be released from prison.

Psalm 146:3,5 Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God.

As expected, the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph. Two years went by. The hope that the cupbearer would put in a word to the King diminished to nothing. I imagine how Joseph’s emotions would have been. I wonder if he still had any faith left. Though day times would have kept him busy as he was in charge of the prison, the night times would have often left him with the question, “Where are You, God? Why would you let this happen to me? Are You the One who gave me those dreams?”

When there was no hope left to put on man, God came through in His never-failing faithfulness. In God’s time, Joseph stood before the King, just as He promised. The cupbearer was sent before Joseph. He stayed a cupbearer, but Joseph was raised to be the second in command to the King. We serve a God who alone is the promise keeper! Our help comes from Him alone and no one else. Amen!

Genesis 49:23 With bitterness archers attacked him; they shot at him with hostility. 24. But his bow remained steady, his strong arms stayed limber, because of the hand of the Mighty One of Jacob, because of the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel.

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The Three Robes

Out of Jacob’s twelve sons, Joseph was his favorite. To show his favoritism, Jacob made a special robe of many colors for him. And Joseph waltzed around in his robe which made his brothers jealous and angry toward him. Joseph who was clueless about all this hatred added more to it by bringing bad reports about them to Jacob. This made the brothers even more furious and they no longer spoke kindly to him.

One day, Joseph saw a dream and he couldn’t keep it to himself so he shared it with his brothers. In his dream, they were all binding sheaves of grain in the field. Suddenly Joseph’s sheaf rose and stood upright while his brothers’ sheaves gathered around his sheaf. Hearing this, the brothers snapped at him asking if he would rule over them. Another day, Joseph saw a dream again. This time he shared it with his father and his brothers. In his dream, he saw that the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to him. This annoyed his father as well and he rebuked him for his dream.

Jacob’s sons went to graze their sheep in a distant place. Jacob sent Joseph to visit them and see if they were doing well. As Jacob reached the place where his brothers were, they recognized him from a distance in his special robe. They grew furious and plotted to kill him and throw him into one of the pits. But Reuben, the oldest brother, suggested throwing him into the pit, in the plan to let him escape later. So they stripped Jacob from his special robe and threw him into the pit.

As they saw Ishmaelite merchants heading to Egypt, they decided to sell Joseph and make a profit out of him. The Ishmaelite merchants sold Joseph to Potiphar who was the captain of Pharoah’s palace guard. Meanwhile, Joseph’s brothers dipped his robe in a goat’s blood and sent it to their father and made him believe that Joseph got killed by wild animals which left Jacob to mourn in sackcloth.

The LORD was with Joseph so that he prospered and he lived in the house of Potiphar. God gave success in everything Joseph did and he was made in charge of Potiphar’s household. Joseph was a well-built and handsome young man. Potiphar’s wife approached Joseph with wrong intentions to which Joseph wouldn’t yield. One day, as she bothered him again, he asked her, “How can I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?“. She caught him by his robe but Joseph left his robe in her hands and ran outside. Potiphar’s wife used that robe to cook up a story against Joseph and he was thrown in the prison.

The LORD was with Joseph in the prison and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. So Joseph was put in charge of all those held in the prison. A while later, Pharoah’s cupbearer and baker were put in the same prison. One day, they both looked down in spirit and so Joseph inquired them. They both shared a dream they saw and they could not understand the meaning. Joseph instantly interpreted the meaning to them which happened exactly as he interpreted. On the third day, the baker was impaled to death while the cupbearer was sent back to the palace. Joseph asked the cupbearer to put in a good word about him to the King so that he can be freed from prison. But the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph.

Two years went by. Joseph was still in the prison. One day, King Pharaoh was very troubled as he saw two dreams, one after the other and he could not understand what they meant. As he sent for all the magicians and wise men of Egypt to interpret the dreams for him, no one could. Then the cupbearer remembered Joseph in the prison and informed the King. The King sent for Joseph to be brought before him. Immediately, the officials got Joseph ready to go before the King and they put on new clothes and a grand robe on him. Joseph interpreted the King’s dreams by giving glory to God Almighty who is the source of all wisdom and hidden mysteries. The King put Joseph in charge of the whole of Egypt and took his signet ring and had him ride in a chariot as his second-in-command.

Joseph was stripped from his first robe, he let go of his second robe and he was raised to honor with the third robe.

Psalm 105:19 Until the time that His word came to pass, the word of the LORD tested him.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose.

1 Peter 5:6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time.

Trust Him and rest on Him. He knows what He is doing! Amen.

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In the details

A friend in church asked me to do an art for a specific verse. The verse he gave me is

Isaiah 32:18 NLT My people will live in safety, quietly at home. They will be at rest.

I felt very excited to do this art and landed on a picture for reference and started working on the art. I spent so much time on painting the rustic house, focusing on the details of the wood and such. I felt very happy with the outcome of the art. As I shared the picture with my friends to get their opinions, a friend said, “It seems the house needed lots of work”. I felt touched by those words because it is true that I put so much effort into the house. What struck me is that if a mere art can reflect the effort that is put into it, how much more would reflect as we strive to live a holy life? In the same manner, if we are ignorant in our spiritual walk, then the fruit of the flesh takes over and makes us unworthy of heaven, as it says in

Galatians 5:19,20 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like. Those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

It takes no effort to indulge in the fruit of the flesh as it is a slippery slope and one thing leads to the other. But the fruit of the Spirit needs lots of work and constant self-analysis.

1 Peter 1:16 Since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy”.

If we start to focus on each area of our life and bring it captive to God, we will start to become more and more like Christ in us. Amen!

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Handmaid of the Lord

As I sat at the watch-night service at church, pushing all my prayer requests to God to use me in more and more ways in 2023, (surprisingly I didn’t have any other requests than being used by God ) and I remembered something God had answered in 2022. In 2021, after amma went to be with the Lord, things were really difficult with dad. While juggling all of that, I had a deep desire up to the point of obligation that I wanted to use all the talents that God has given me for His Kingdom’s work. I started to even fret that if I don’t use my talents, God was going to ask me when I stand before Him. I started to earnestly pray for open doors. And my gracious God did open doors for me in 2022 in such a way that I was able to raise a big amount this year. I have contributed more than what I raised for Missions. If I had $40 at a time, I would add $10 and make it $50 and contribute.

The missions God graciously enabled me to support this year through my contributions are

Calvary Missions
Calvary Mission – Rwanda eye surgery camps
- Open doors USA – to distribute bibles in persecuted places
  - Compassion – malnourished kids
    - GEMS India
    - Homeless people in our areas
    - Elohim gospel ministries
      - Wayside shelter

I am just filled with gratitude towards God as He honored the desire of my heart and opened doors for me and gave me a purpose. My prayer is that God will make me into a vessel that will be useful for His Kingdom in many ways and not just one or two ways.

Also, God who is not a debtor to anyone provided me with the finances ahead of time to be able to cover the costs of the inventory. I was stuck in my job with no raise or promotion for 10 years. Last year God miraculously gave me a promotion and raise and so I didn’t have to worry about the expenses. Isn’t God awesome? Glorify our God with me.

Isaiah 41:9 You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest regions, and said to you, ‘you are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away’.

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