On Sunday we had Christmas Carols from our church family at our home! As I had attended the carols in other houses during the previous days, one question that was asked to everyone in those houses was, “What does Christmas mean to you?”. Most of the friends compared their childhood Christmas and then how the perspective changes from fun towards the spiritual meaning. I don’t have any issues with the spiritual side of it as by God’s grace, I am growing in Him. But what I could not remember was even one good Christmas memory from my childhood. We moved to a place as we bought a house where we did not know anyone at all. I was very active in church and participated in Sunday class, choir etc. That was the only good thing I remembered. All I could remember fondly about Christmas was these 18 years in America after I got married.
I attended Saturday service in church and God gave me an amazing surprise as Pastor Ross who was the previous senior Pastor in our church came as guest preacher. As I am burdened for my dad’s salvation these days, seeing Pastor Ross was an instant reminder of salvation because he was a drug addict who wanted to kill himself in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve to taunt his parents for their lifetime. But God spoke to him and he gave his life to Jesus and became a mighty man of God. So to me, seeing him that day was like an instant assurance of salvation. After that I went caroling and woke up at 5 am as usual to pray. I thank God for the valleys in my life that finally I have a disciplined prayer life. I wanted to make a ginger pepper coffee to help my throat from carol singing. So I went to the kitchen and instantly I was reminded by God of my childhood Christmas days which were actually bitter. Lot of times when I have a bothering question which I ask, the answer comes from Him as first thing the next morning. I broke into tears as I remembered the many Christmas’ I had at my parents house. Like a pattern, my dad would have a fight at our home every single Christmas. As we didn’t have anyone whom we knew in that place, no one really knew how we lived inside the four walls. But amazingly I had completely forgotten those bitter years after having peaceful years in this country. I felt, with all honesty, I should share about my bitter years so that people can see that what we see is not always what it is. We all know how the devil works fears in our mind. Though it started off with so much enthusiasm about sharing this, soon my mind started building up fear. My concern was when everyone shared happy memories, how can I share a broken story. I felt extremely stressed and resulted in a terrible neck pain as I could feel the stress on my neck. I just prayed that Lord if it is Your will for me to talk about this, help me. Also please give me a sign.
I went to church and soon by God’s grace my neck pain went away. Minutes before the Indian service started, we decided to do “Silent night” with parts and I am one of the Alto people. I have not sang in parts since my tenth grade. God gave me the forgotten desire of my heart to sing alto. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.
In church, worship was led by the youth. One of the songs sung was “In the bleak mid winter” and instantly to me that was the sign because that is a song I had sung on Christmas Eve with two friends when I was young. After decades, I heard that song yesterday. For us to sing that song, it was a sign to me and I instantly felt enthusiastic about sharing my broken Christmas story.
I had to cook lots of food for the Carolers. As I kept thinking about what to share, I started feeling very stressed again. I kept asking, “Lord, should I really say? I am scared. ” There were moments where I thought of skipping it. But somehow I didn’t want to be in a spot of disobedience and regret.
I could not completely focus on cooking as I was stressed about this sharing. I can go on and on about God’s goodness in my life, but to share a broken story where everyone portrays a perfect Christmas was a very difficult task.
Then the time came for me to share. I started off sharing about how I had no good childhood Christmas memories and how God reminded of how broken our Christmas’ used to be. I shared about how we always had a fight between my parents every Christmas without fail and we just adjusted having some food while everyone would make special food on Christmas. And I shared about how God blessed us with peaceful Christmas days since I got married – a new Season of peace in my life. I shared about how my mother in law went to be with the LORD in January 2020 so unexpectedly. She had lived a life of legacy and how I felt this word again and again “Well done , good and faithful servant”. From then on I started praying for my entire family so that we all will make it to heaven. Just in a year, my mother went to be with the LORD. I shared about how she held my hand and said that she is going to Jesus. And how her last words before she had breathing issues and went into the ventilator, ” I am going to Jesus”. About these two women, “they went to be with the LORD” was not just a statement. It was a very clear fact. I shared that my prayers are for both our dads who are not walking quite right with the LORD, though they both know the LORD too.
Now that is another broken story because it is not easy to share to the world a picture like that. People will rather go to hell than let the world that I am not heaven-ready yet. I shared about how my father in law is from a Hindu family and that he left his house because of the Christian faith and yet, as the path to heaven is narrow and hard, became like seeds sown in rocky area. I declared with boldness that I can’t yet share about my dad but as I serve this faithful God, I can say for sure that Jesus will redeem my dad and I will share a testimony one day.
Now came the words that helped me to land the plane. I had not thought of any of these words so it was truly the Holy Spirit Lord’s doing. I shared about how death is real and hell is real and heaven is real and the path to heaven is not easy. I shared about how we tend to make our living in this world comfortable when we don’t know if we will live tomorrow. I shared about how we have the chance to accept Jesus as our savior only as long as we live. Once the breath stops, there is no more chance left. I shared boldly about how there will be no regret in choosing Jesus as one’s Savior. I never had the courage to share the gospel but had this intense desire in my heart to have the boldness to speak the gospel. And yesterday was the day, I was enabled by God Almighty to share the gospel to Christians and non-Christians.
I thank Almighty God for making the day a milestone in my life. He sent Pastor Ross exactly this week so I would feel the assurance of salvation for my left behind parents. God sent a white friend who has a special heart for Indians to help us learn Christmas songs with parts and He granted me the forgotten desire to sing alto. God answered my one line prayer and sent a sign through a song and gave me the boldness to speak the gospel to both believers and non-believers. Last but not the least, the food which I could not focus on while cooking, tasted so good that we ran out it in no time. When I got so many compliments for the food, I felt it was the hand of Jesus which turned the food tasty in peoples’ mouth.
Why do I share my broken stories? Because my broken stories has a redemption side which glorifies Jesus. Also, when I bring my prayers loudly, I know that God reveals His faithfulness, just as He was faithful to answer Hannah’s silent prayers.
Revelation 12:11 And tthey overcame him(the devil) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, uand they did not love their lives to the death.
Did caroling till Saturday midnight. But
